(Source: ageros)
Sometimes I truly dislike Eric. It borderlines on hate. I feel it begin at my toes and flow through every vein as he opens his smart ass mouth and lets the words tumble out. And I ask myself why I even stick around; I don’t always have an answer. These are really, really low points in my life.
But then he’ll walk into the room as I’m watching tv, with this big goofy smile on his face & all those feelings just rush back to me. He is honestly one of the most annoying people on earth, because he knows exactly how to get to me. He’s so beautiful, and he’s a great father. I absolutely love watching him play with the babies. All of my hurt feelings are whisked away as soon as he puts his arms around me. Well, not all. You know what I mean.
Sometimes I really want to have sex with Eric.
But mostly, I don’t.
Sometimes I feel like Eric & I really missed out on a lot.
I’m reading a book in which the main female character is discussing her first love and her first sexual experience. It was so sweet and beautiful, and she went on to discuss how they were essentially normal horny teenagers who had sex at every opportunity. I lost my virginity to Eric when we were 16, and we only got to sleep together twice before his ex-girlfriend threw out the claim that she was pregnant & he decided to continue his relationship with her. And this time around, we started dating when his son was 15 months old & I was 4 months pregnant. We’ve just never been able to date like normal people and it really, really upsets me. Don’t get me wrong, I love our kids and wouldn’t trade them for anything. ANYTHING. We don’t really go on typical dates and our sex life definitely doesn’t compare to other couples our age. (The quality is great; the quantity is not. If that sort of vocabulary can be applied in this situation.) Hell, we rarely get along. I don’t really know what the point of this post is. I guess I’m just throwing myself a pity party because I’m sad about all of the things we never got the opportunity to experience together.
