This picture is horrible quality, but I love it. And he loves me. And he loves my spawn.
(Source: built-toflyaway)
Eric, this Hershey’s chocolate with almonds really hit the spot.
This is why I love you.
I AM 38 WEEKS PREGNANT, LILY. GET OUT.
My lady parts are so… achy. It’s weird. I don’t know if it has anything to do with her, though. Another doctor’s appointment today at 1:30. Hopefully he tells me I’m dilating or something, but I’m pretty sure absolutely nothing has changed since the last time I saw him all of three days ago. Fingers crossed. I’m trying to stay optimistic. I’m far too impatient for this. I guess in the mean time I’ll be enjoying the peace & quiet and the alone time I have with Eric while I still can. I hope I don’t miss it too much.
This is what I wake up to on Facebook in the middle of the night. I just love him so much!
Tabda (yep, that’s what he calls me) & Eric Jr
4.
I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend when I was 16. We had only been dating for two weeks. I don’t regret it.
Creepin’ in the dark.
I’ve got a lot of shit I’ve been wanting to post, but I haven’t had the time or energy.
I am literally dragging ass every day. I knew I was gonna miss my sleep (it was my favorite hobby) but I’m disappointed in myself for not handling this better. I do the whole “sleep when she sleeps” thing, but it doesn’t matter how many total hrs of sleep you get during the day if it’s all broken up in two hr increments. It’s not like I don’t have help, because I do. My friends, my mother, and Eric’s mother all volunteer to watch her so I can get a few more hrs sleep, and I gladly let them. It’s just.. It will never be enough. Heads up to the followers out there trying to help out a new mama, volunteer to feed the baby overnight. I promise they will love you forever. A good 8 hrs of sleep seems like heaven right now. But this whole post isn’t about the sleep I’m not getting, it’s also about the odd relationship I have with Lily’s biological father. Most people would say I’m extremely lucky that my situation has worked out the way it has, and usually I would agree. But lately I’ve just been so uncomfortable with it, and it’s not like me to feel awkward in any situation. He’s made it very clear that he would love nothing more than to be with me & take care of our daughter together as a family. That sounds very lovely and all, but you have to keep in mind this is the same motherfucker who left me when I was 3 months pregnant and began dating a girl in a different state that he knew for a whole week. My feelings are still hurt about the situation and I’ve made it known. I’ve told him that him telling me he loved me was completely inappropriate and he needed to respect my relationship with Eric. He agreed; he actually has some morals. It infuriates me that people don’t take my relationship seriously. Do others not consider the fact that I was nearly 5 months along in my pregnancy when I began dating Eric, or that I’m the only female his son has ever met? We had children to worry about, too, not just each other. Though our relationship progressed quickly, it was something we put a lot of thought into before making it official. We didn’t just dive in. This was something I had to explain to Lily’s father last night, and the fact that I even had to explain just pisses me off. A lot of things piss me off, but still. I still care about his feelings. I don’t know why, but I do. I guess there is a good person somewhere inside me. A too-quick-to-forgive good person. But I’m working on it. I actually enjoy being his friend. I enjoy his company. (obviously, or why else would I have ever dated him?) But I don’t enjoy having my relationship discredited or being made to feel like I am to blame for my unconventional family. I love my family, no matter how dysfunctional it is. And I guess I’ll be figuring out how to handle my relationship with Lily’s father soon.
Wittle Eric. I love my step-son.
This is old, but look how cute!
Sometimes I truly dislike Eric. It borderlines on hate. I feel it begin at my toes and flow through every vein as he opens his smart ass mouth and lets the words tumble out. And I ask myself why I even stick around; I don’t always have an answer. These are really, really low points in my life.
But then he’ll walk into the room as I’m watching tv, with this big goofy smile on his face & all those feelings just rush back to me. He is honestly one of the most annoying people on earth, because he knows exactly how to get to me. He’s so beautiful, and he’s a great father. I absolutely love watching him play with the babies. All of my hurt feelings are whisked away as soon as he puts his arms around me. Well, not all. You know what I mean.
The daycare that Lily’s been attending over the past 3 weeks is closing. The previous owner had some messed up finances and didn’t feel the need to inform the current director. Lily had just begun to get used to her teacher and she had already made a friend. Lily’s godmother works (soon to be worked) at the daycare, so I was able to check on my girl all day while we were separated. I had to pay a $100 registration fee on top of the weekly costs. I’m now going to have to shell out at least another $100 for registration elsewhere. I’m pretty sure we’ll be sending her to the same daycare Eric Jr goes to, which is awesome in multiple ways, but it sucks having to change her routine that she was just beginning to get accustomed to. EJ loves that daycare, though, and I think he’s going to love seeing Lily everyday.
I love Mardi Gras. One of the best things about living in Louisiana :)
